October 16

Today we took the train.  We had a very crazy, crazy trip through the train station.  Men in red shirts were the porters and as soon as we pulled in on our bus the looked at us as if we were fresh meat.  They began to carry our bags across 4 lanes of bus/motorbike/car traffic and when you have 24 people and bag for the home too that was bedlum.  We just grabbed what was ours and followed our porter for all we are worth.  When we made it to the platform with our bags in tact we breathed a sigh of relief. We then got on our train for the four hour ride north to Kalka.  I had the pleasure of using a squaty potty on the train. No small feat on a bumping train.  We had Chai and watched the sights slide by.  There was a lot of poverty in the country as we rode by.  So much sadness that these people have to endure.  So sad to watch the villages with their srines and so much dispare.  On the sides of the tracks ever now and then there would be piles of cow patties that you could tell were made the same shape and size and laying out in the sun to dry.  They use these to start fires and so need to make these.  So many different things to see.  One last funny thing, in India it is a compliment to call a woman Fat.  It means she is well taken care of.  And when we were shopping the girl on our team asked the man where the pants were and he said "for you? oh no you need a large, you're big"  We both looked at each other and laughed and she just brushed it off.  But then when we got to the home they said to another girl "oh your getting so fat" and then we got it.  They were trying to compliment them.  So maybe by the time I get home I can be fat too, because of all the Roti and Naan.

October 15

Dehli is sleeping now.  With a city of 18 Million people it is very quiet.  In Toronto or Vancouver it is never this quite.  People are going and doing - always.  But for now in Dehli the horns have stopped blasting.  All the cots have been pulled across the sidewalk and some people even sleep barefoot on the ground.  The police have baricads at each intersection and they must have pulled those closed last night, maybe to provide a quiet night sleep for those sleeping on the side walk.  There is a dog sleeping right in the middle of the street under a street light.  The one thing that strikes me here is how orange the lights are.  They dont have that white high efficiant glow that we have at home.  And on the pole over the light is a big ball of wires.  I am so thankful that Paul and Su took us to New Dehli not Old Dehli.  Our hearts are bleeding now and we have not seen the worst yet.  Scott is having a hard time, and I am finding that sunglasses are my friend.  They not only cover the tears but they provide cover for my eyes and the baggers cant make eye contact so they pretty much leave me alone.  I did have one young (7ish) girl following me.  I stopped and said "no honey" so she finally left my side.  Dehli has broken our hearts and left us speechless, which is not an easy thing to do.  I find myself looking forward to each meal, the food is so good.The whole experiance of our day in Dehli was worth the whole trip here.  If I had to leave India today it would owe me nothing.

Brave

I have been thinking a lot lately about being brave.  I think that if you are brave it does not mean you are not scared of things, it means you are scared of things but you do them anyways.  Yesterday I watched my little girl do two things that she had to be very brave to do.(some of us in our family suffer with Fear.  It has been something I have fought against my whole life.  And only by the grace of God, have I been able to overcome my fear and have tried to teach those in our family that suffer too to overcome as well.)  I watched Autumn eat food she did not know, and pet a dog she just met.  Now to most people that really would not be a big deal.  But to her, it was huge.  She beamed at me after at how brave she was and I choked up a little just to see how much it took her to do those things and how she did them anyways.  Then I got to thinking.... how am I any different.  I have always wanted to "go" but have been terrified by every corner of life.  I always had great examples of how to take life by the horns (thank you Mom and Dad) but have always been steeping in my fear.  But somehow God saw me in my pitiful state and has taught me to do things i am afraid of.  He has taught me to be brave.  And looking down at Autumn's face at how brave she was made me want to be brave too.  So here I go.... I am being brave too. I will do what God asked of me and will trust him to keep me safe.  This is huge for me.

Last few days...

So I think it has finally hit me that in the next few days I will be leaving the kids.  I seem to be hugging more, smelling them more (some if you will get this and some of you wont) and just being more intentional of how I interact with them.  We have been talking about me leaving, and how that will be.  I also noticed how much they are a part of our working household.  While trying to explain thing about were stuff is, I keep saying "just ask Teeny, or get Lane to show you"  I have noticed even Autumn knows how to put her clothes away.  This just creeped up on us.  But they actually do help out around here. (you would never know by the mess around here)  They are really growing up and I am noticing how much I trust them.  I am so proud of the big kids in my house. So proud of the way they have become part of our team.  I am proud to be their Mom.

The Waiting

If there is one thing I am not good at, it is waiting.  Why does it take so long.  Why is it that everything worth doing is hard and takes a long time.  I have been up and down on this journey to get to India so many times, it has left me excited and wrung out. Some days I am so brittle in my soul that I cry at the thought of those beautiful faces in the home. Some days I feel the oppression of the sadness that I am about to face.  Some days I feel lost in this new world of uncertainty that we have been lead into. And some days my heart bubbles up inside me and overflows with Joy at the mear mention of this all coming together.  I just cant believe that what I have dreamed of my whole life (going to India) has now become a reality.  And yet it is peppered with the weight of what we are really doing.  Some times I just say to myself " relax you are just going to do a job and come home"  but the truth of the matter is, we are not. It is not just about this trip.  It is about our life and how we live it. We are part of so much more, at risk of so much more.  We could be tempted to bounce along thinking we have all the answers when we clearly do not.  In our culture we think "stuff" and "me" are all there is, all the while heading to a culture that values "Faith" (used loosely) and "Family" are all there is.  We will be opposite completely.  I am trying not to put expectations on this trip with the exception that My God will show up and tell me what he has been trying to tell me for a while. But I have not been able to hear him over the loud, clingy, self involved life that I live here.  I will go.... and I will wait.... and I will be his hands if he wants me to be.... I will listen.... I will learn.  My only hope is that He spares me from who I am now and creates in me a New Life....

Phrase of the Day

"It will all be perfect in the end, and if everything is not perfect...it is not the end."

My feet have not hit the floor

So next week we are leaving.  On Friday at 11:20am the bus is coming to pick us up at the church.  And last Friday at 11:20 am I was at the church dropping off last bits of paperwork and picking up tickets.  Crazy coincidence I think not. I am so excited to go that my feet have not hit the floor for a while.  I find myself doing a dance/clap thing often during the day.  The kids and I have been putting on Indie Gold so I can practice my dance moves for when we have dance parties with kids at Shanti Niketan.  I am so ready for this great adventure.